fede. speranza. amore.

It’s been awhile since my last post. I have been too busy with work, travels abroad, touring my friends, shifting houses and a lot of other things have happened.

Amazing still it seems…I’ll be 23.

I’m at a stage in my life where I need to put some order in my life, put some things in perspective, plan for my future and all the things that comes with growing up. But there’s also a part of me that lives for the randomness and spontaneity that life has to offer. The adventures, self-discoveries and new journeys I can take.

I’m scared and excited. I’m happy and sad at the same time. I feel so loved and yet i feel so alone.  It’s such an oxymoron.

Another year has passed, and I hope that year has made me a little wiser..

And so in anticipation of the new year that is my 23rd birthday, I decided to just post 23 random things that people may or may not know about me…

1. I’ve never been drunk.

2. I have a birthmark at the back of my head.

3. I’m in love with Brooke Davis and the actress who plays her, Sophia Bush “and if you need to know why i love her, i can go on all night!”

4. I got a full ride scholarship in college and my family didn’t have to spend a single centavo (even my allowance was paid for! :p)

5. When i was in grade school i was asked to join a declamation contest at the last minute. I went there complete with props and dressed up as our national hero, Jose Rizal to give his farewell speech and won an award for it.

6. With just one song my mood can change. Musical directors from my favorite tv shows are simply the best!

7. I like listening to indie music, those undiscovered yet talented singers and knowing that i was listening to them already way before they went mainstream

8. I didn’t how to drink tablets (still can’t take those big ones :p) until last year.

9. My cure for everything = Gatorade + Chocolate mousse

10. I love the combination of chocolate and mint

11. I tend to memorize quotes

12. Grey’s anatomy is my release.. I watch it when i want to laugh and i watch it when i feel like i really need a good cry.

13. I’m a frustrated writer

14. I’m allergic to aspirin, spices and all things unfresh! :p

15. I wanted to be a pre-school teacher

16. I love giving talks and trainings that help bring out the best in people (proud to be a BESTMADE leader)

17.  I haven’t tried smoking and i have no plans of trying

18. Me and God are close!

19. The combination of buses and rain makes me cry.

20. I don’t know how to swim, drive nor ride a bike.

21. I don’t have a sport but i love watching sports.

22. I have never received a bouquet of flowers. (it’s sad I know..hahaha)

23. I would do anything for my family and friends.

Let’s see if in the next year I will be able to cross out some of the random things I’ve listed out…

Until then I’ll be listening to Jimmy Eat World till midnight!

I miss you so bad…just a very random moment, i suddenly thought of you and found tears falling down my eyes from missing you so damn much! For weeks i have been content and happy and i even caught myself quite a few times laughing and smiling for no reason at all.. Then once again, you plagued my mind and wormed your way into my heart and all the hurt from loving you too much was once again woken up from their deep slumber…looks like tonight is gonna be a long night again.

Love is intentional
Love is a choice
Love will be tested

They say you can’t help or choose who you love, that may be true with regards to feelings and lately i see myself loving Julian more than Lucas because we share the same mentality and he put it into words perfectly…

You choose whether or not you open your heart to love.

I never pictured myself in Marketing more or less Sales, i just thought it’s not for me…it’s not me. The fear of setting yourself a quota and not meeting it could be one reason but mostly because i’m not a money-driven person. I do things, because i like it, i enjoy it whether or not it will be financially beneficial for me. I never wanted nor saw myself in this field and look at me now. I didn’t think i would enjoy it but i am, maybe because i’m more on the conceptual and strategic marketing and positioning rather than hard selling.

A lot of people have told me that i would make a good salesman because i have the PR skills and the convincing power to go along with it and i never actually believed them until i literally saw myself selling and making sales (plural form). Selling is hard, yes, but if i know the product and i believe in the product i am selling there’s no reason why selling that would be such a hard job.

My boss on other hand is what i would call a good salesman because even if he’s not 100% into the product he could still get sales. There’s a part of my job i absolutely hate and it’s the part where i have to lie. It’s not a harmful lie, you can call it a white lie if you want but there are times i have to sugar-coat the truth in order to get a good deal or purchase and i feel guilty for it sometimes and it’s such a challenge for me because i try so hard to be as truthful as possible.

I think the influence or saleability of things have a lot to do with the packaging. Though it’s true that beauty is only skin deep and that we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, we must admit that if we don’t like the way it looks, oftentimes we wouldn’t give it the time of day. When i met my boss, i knew i would buy him right away…He had the right packaging and the content to match it that it didn’t take much convincing…Consider it sold!

I’ve decided that i should also start looking at and working on my saleability and market value. If i wanna be out there i should be waiting in hope and joy! Why not apply my work and what i’ve learned in my personal life? I have to learn how to market and present myself in such a way that people will take the time to look and learn more about me. Just like in marketing, sometimes you really have to make time and invest on yourself.

But in the end, we should still remember that no matter how good the packaging might look, the most important thing is still what’s inside.

Looks can be deceiving…

I know better not to be friends with boys with girlfriends.

I hate cheaters, but over the weekend though, I think I somehow had a slight idea of how it feels to be a cheater. I know it’s wrong, but sometimes something takes over us and we just wanna be wild, spontaneous, do something out of the ordinary and be bad. I’ve always had this thing for singing “I Wanna Be Bad” by Willa Ford and “Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy” by Tata Young at the top of my lungs with all my feelings poured out into those songs..so let me just quote a few lines from them to show you what i mean…

I Wanna Be Bad – Willa Ford

Cuz you make me wanna misbehave
I wanna be bad
You make bad look so good
I got things on my mind
I never thought I would
I, I wanna be bad (bad)
You make bad feel so good
I’m losing all my cool
I’m about to break the rules
I, I wanna be bad

Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy – Tata Young

I pick all my skirts to be a little too sexy
Just like all of my thoughts they always get a bit naughty
When I’m out with my girls I always play a bit bitchy
Can’t change the way I am sexy naughty bitchy me

I like all of my shorts to be a little too shorty
Unlike all of my guys I like them tall with money
I love all of my nights to end a little bit nasty
Can’t change the way I am sexy naughty bitchy me

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Tear down the walls…

that’s what the concert did to my heart, and to everyone’s heart in that concert hall.

It was surprising that a lot of people showed up for the event, to see that there were that many young people who are hungry to hear the word of God and to sing praises and worship to Him. While queuing up I even saw a long time family friend of my mom’s who came along with her son to watch the concert.

The day started with a youth conference from the Hillsong United team and they talked about the kind of Worship that Builds the Church. Hillsong Church is known for their good music that just moves you to worship, sing praises and cry out to God. So moving, that when i listen to their songs on my ipod, even when I’m crossing the street or on the bus i just want to raise my hands in surrender and praise to Him! Not only are they talented, but can i just be blunt and say that they are H-O-T!!!

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-Grace-

I just had to buy this when I saw this on the store. It had my name on it and my life long motto “Let Go and Let God”. It was like, God was really speaking to me at that moment.

Happy Anniversary to me. It has been a long and quite an adventurous year for me yet somehow i feel like time has flown so fast. Tomorrow, Hillsong United will be here in Singapore and I have always wanted to watch a great concert. I have missed Fall Out Boy and Coldplay when they went here and I wasn’t gonna let this concert just pass by. I waited for the tickets to go on sale, but i guess i wasn’t fast enough because the tickets were sold-out. So i just went to the store to look around when i saw this notebook. When i came to Singapore, Mayen gave me a journal for me to write on for my adventures here and i loved it so much, it became my notebook at work too that now it’s almost full i had to buy a new one and this was just perfect.

I went home not sad because I wasn’t able to buy a Hillsong concert ticket but hopeful and trusting in the Lord. Let Go and Let God so the notebook says, and that’s what I did. That was when I got invited to the care group and they just so happened to have an extra ticket! God truly has given me such grace and if only we Let Go and Let God.. all our cares and burdens, God is willing to carry for us, He is giving us His unmerited favor!

I can’t wait for the Hillsong Concert tomorrow…i’m sure it will be an unforgettable experience! Tomorrow is a new day…Let Go and Let God!

It’s been a year since I was IBM-free. Not stress free because work here in Singapore is definitely more stressful but there are times, if not most of the time that i feel I’m happier working here in Singapore. I highlight working because I still feel that living in the Philippines is better and it made me happier.

My parents are thinking of starting our life here but until now I am still undecided, I may not be happy here because I’m alone not with my family, but I sometimes feel that having them here will not make us as happy as we want to be as well. Singapore could be a good place to work in but definitely not a good place to grow old in. Soon I’ll be 23 (Yeah i can finally sing Jimmy Eat World’s song!) and it sometimes forces you to think ahead, plan for your future and decide what you want in life. Soon I’ll be celebrating my 1 year here in Singapore but I’m still on the road to recovery financially, then I will start saving.

I just renewed my working pass today and I got promoted as well so that is a happy thought, means more money to save and more money to send back home. I want to settle my finances, finish paying a house which we are investing in…but my dream is continue my grandmother’s vision. I will build a school for our community and I will name it Pathway to Learning, just like what my grandmother wanted. I am working hard now to fulfill that vision, that is my goal, my dream, my inspiration and motivation. I will not be a hypocrite and say I’ll start saving now because I know I still can’t. I will finish paying for my “MacDreamy” on August, together with the agent’s fee for our condo rental. Then my friends will be coming to visit me in September so that means a cash-out and then I will send additional money back home to aid for my brothers’ college tuition, then I will pay for my plane ticket for my Christmas Vacation (I plan to fly on SQ). So maybe when I turn 23 I can start on that goal on saving, but for now, I am celebrating my anniversary and my promotion so I’m buying myself some treats…

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7 years
364 weeks
2,555 days

Since i last fell in love…

It’s been a long time and i can definitely say that i’ve really missed that feeling. Pushing myself to study and work hard did take my mind off of it for awhile, but sometimes, it just creeps in to your conscious mind and tugs at your heart. My thoughts on love are like shifting sands, there are times I believe that love will come to me and i don’t have to find it or work for it, but there are times that a part of me believes that i have to do something, be proactive in waiting and that love won’t just come knocking on my door. I was never one for going out and partying though some people encourage me to go out, meet new people because they say that’s the way i’m going to meet “the one” but then after a very dramatic phone call to my best  friend, she reminded me why she is my best friend, we share the same faith and beliefs. I have long given God the pen to write my love story, but the stubborn me sometimes wants to take charge and i borrow the pen from God (or should i say steal coz i really didn’t get the permission). I often think that i should do something and not just sit and wait, but Anj reminded me that God has better plans for me. He will orchestrate everything from the time we will meet, to how and where and maybe, just maybe..without me having to go out of the house, he might just literally come knocking on my door.

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